Once Upon a Time, there lived a stupid guy...

After the stressful semester last year, my grade fell terribly. Hence, I had a rather less slacker semester this year in order to work harder to catch up my fallen grades. It is because of the fallen grades, I began to go hysterical about the results. I always talk about results everywhere I go, and always comparing myself with those really smart people, and thus keep thinking myself as some stupid guy (Right now, I still think that way).

The obsession of getting good result is driving me crazy... I keep thinking about those damn smart people spoiling the market by making the bellcurve steep... Keep thinking about studying, but once getting into it, and when I could not figure out the answer, I started to blame myself for being so stupid. In the end, when the answer comes out to be damn simple, I blame myself even more. Then, the focus just gone when I started to think of that. My brain works really damn slow.

Even at this period of election, I showed not much interest to it too. I don't even know I always have no interest in such things. So when people started discussing about who and who, I only know Nicole Seah and Tin Pei Ling since both of them were the favourite topic in the election. When you asked me about some other Ministers, I will like, "Huh?" and "I don't know..." or "I don't care about politics..." How come my brain is always the one controlling me?

Self-learning is something I do not have the drive to do too. This is utterly important in uni life because most lecturers expected you to self-learn... And especially some are not taught in uni, but are required to know when you want into get some job...

This current semester is the only semester so far that I started to get nervous before entering the examination hall. For all the 5 exams I had this semester... I really wish I can score up to the marks that can pull my grades back up. But again, I tend to perform bad at exams... After discussing with my friends after every exam, I always ended up getting most simple answers wrong... Though the results for this semester is not out yet, the past results always reflected my thoughts well. So my initial goal becomes lower after going through each paper...

Then, I always tell myself that I will definitely work harder. But the same vicious cycle will go through again... Again and again...